Do you know your teenage kid’s whereabouts—this very moment?
Is he in his room, in your house, or out in the company of friends?
And if with friends, where do they hang out? What stuff do they indulge in? It’s hard to know, isn’t it?
Frankly, even if you think he’s safe in the confines of your house—within your gated and guarded community, he may in fact be partying with his barkada or peer group.
Either he’s chatting, uploading and downloading “stuff” via Facebook , Myspace, Tweeter, YouTube, gaming sites; just plain surfing; or glued to gruesome scenes and dark alleys as he mercilessly slays ghouls and zombies through his game apps.
“I’m at a loss. My son is on the computer all day so we hardly talk,” complains Jim.
“E’s room is off limits to me. I still need to knock to be let in. She’s always just on her iphone,” shares A.
“Today’s kids are differently wired,” we’re often reminded in the university where I teach—suggesting that we baby boomer teachers better discover the way to a millenial’s mind.
It’s harder for parents. A parent desires nothing less than to bring his kid up in the fear and instruction of the Lord—so he pursues real success, not disaster.
Younger generation parents have resorted to peerenting—portraying themselves as their kids’ best buddy to encourage them to not hide anything from them.
A peer is an equal—not here to judge you, knows what you’re going through, a shoulder to cry on. And kids gravitate towards groups they share common things with. While many peer groups positively influence their own, some have lured the unsuspecting to drugs, pornography and a life of crime.
Kids turn to their friends for belongingness and validation, especially nowadays that they have greater access to social media; and the nuclear family has disintegrated either because their members have physically separated (parents working overseas) or their parents have broken up.
Wouldn’t it be nice if our kids ran to us for answers if they mess up? We can be their best friend.
But a parent must parent. Oftentimes, it means disapproving some of our kids’ choices. They might throw a tantrum, even rebel. But they will not forever be babies. They need to mature and be responsible; and God’s way is the only way.
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord,” Ephesians 6:4.
A child needs to know a full life awaits him IF he honors his parents (Exodus 20:12); or IF he listens to the father who gave him life, and does not despise his mother (Proverbs 23:22).
Parenting is taxing. One needs to discipline, correct, constantly remind (but not nag), and walk the talk.
Now, that’s completely way above peerenting.
Parenting is also about unconditional love, forgiveness, fairness, kindness and patience.
Exercise all these and your kid will be smart enough to run to you—not his peer —for guidance. Still the best way to mold smart, wise, confident and success-bound children.
Originally publishes at CBNAsia.org: http://cbnasia.org/home/2013/07/peerenting-or-parenting/
Being a Tsinoy, I was raised under the so-called "Tiger Parenting" popularized by Amy Chua through her infamous book. I was trained to have the mind and soul of a warrior who's strong enough to withstand life's challenges. I am thankful that it paid off. Guess we should be a balance of both parent and peerent, letting our children open up to us, WITHOUT FORGETTING that fire is what determines a true gold.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting again, Dragon Scribe. Wow, tiger parenting surely has raised up the feisty in you. You're right, a parent has to be a total human being, especially to his/her kids; and thus bring out the best in them.
DeleteMy most difficult and most challenging role has always been parenting--bar none. I look back to those days when my kids needed it, and I often cringe with the should've and would've and could've. Thank God, the Bible can bear us out. Good parents had bad children and bad parents had good children. So parents really shouldn't take the credit nor blame for what their children have/will become.
ReplyDeleteAgree! Whatever one's family background, his decisions are his and he could not point to anyone if he messes up or does good. I always remember one of our pastors reminding us, desisyon lang yan.
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