Anybody There?

Not that he suspected something was missing, but he wanted to be sure it was there. Really there!

So I went for a CT scan - what my neurologist ordered to make sure all's well at my control center.

Chronic headaches lashed out stronger and more frequently recently so my doctor asked for a CT scan. If his prescribed meds were not working, something else might be at work and he needed to find out why.

So I had my 2 pm CT scan yesterday at the Asian Hospital. Took anti-allergy medication12 hours, then another tablet two hours, before scan. (A dye, which might cause allergies, apparently had to be injected to obtain a contrasting picture of my brain. Wow, chiaroscuro effect! Would they behold a Rembrandt?)

I had to fast five hours prior. Coming from teaching at school, I decided to head straight to the hospital's radiology reception area, sit zen-like, force myself to snooze, and banish all thought of food glorious food from my mind. That helped! I didn't feel any hunger pang or tinge of headache.

"Lord," I prayed, "please don't let me feel hungry so as not to offset a headache." And He listened.

Lance, a young, handsome male nurse - a through and through English-ero - walked me through the method while he attached the needle for the dye injection. "My daughter in-law is also a nurse," I made chika, as I imagined him pursuing his calling in another country which paid nurses more equitably.

He was so efficient and kind I figured it won't take long for a recruiter to spot and lure him to either the US, UK or Australia.

With the preps over, Lance led me to a room with a narrow long stretcher and a huge globule-like end with a hole in it. And this was the real ordeal.

The order came: "Don't move!" Twenty minutes seemed like a century. So Rizal must feel this way, standing rigid in the middle of Luneta Park forever.

How could I even move when my body felt like pinned down and stretched in a barbeque stick; and that any wrong move would be a Humpty Dumpty moment for a great fall.

My head seemed stuck forever between two immovable bricks so my only entertainment came from memorizing the details of the rotating tubular gadget above me. I thought I stopped breathing too! Then the whirring sound came, as if I was being beamed up to outer space. Sorry, no flashing lights and extra-terrestrial visions there. Just audio effects.

Twice it happened, the second time with the dye injected for contrast effect. "Please raise you hand or move or say something if you feel any itchiness, hardness of breath, or anything at all," said Lance. Having felt none, I just continued praying and breathing. I never realized breathing was this wonderful. I felt alive!

"Is it still there?" I asked after being freed from that prison-like vise-grip. Unsure of what I meant, Lance's face contorted. "I meant, is my brain still there?" Then we had a good laugh.

Prognosis: No intracranial hemorrhage. Small chronic lacunar infarct, right temporal lobe - which may be from an old stroke which I didn't even know about. Lastly, cerebral atrophy, which my doctor explains to be a loss of some brain cells; also related to a stroke, explains Wikipedia.

Doctor's orders: Watch your cholesterol. Diet. And don't be such an A personality. In other words, slow down. You're not a spring chicken anymore!

Well, come to think of it, this whole experience just affirmed that in spite of my atrophied brain (I'm turning 60, and I rejoice that I still have it up there!) and an infarct (a stroke actually) which I never knew I had, my grey matter still functions as it should.

Yes, I get forgetful once in a while, especially with people's names. But I can still teach. Still pray and worship God in song. Still write and create concepts. Still be a wife and mother and wowa and sister-in-law and friend to my friends.

To what else could I attribute all of these but God's amazing grace?

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If God is for me, who can be against me? The life I now live I live for Christ. I have the mind of Christ!

I believe in these and His countless biblical promises. He is able to do wonderfully in spite of my weakness and my atrophied brain.

That's why I will continue to rejoice in Jesus! He's my strength, my peace, my salvation, my wisdom, my everything!

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves, from the sovereign Lord comes escape from death." (Psalm 68:19)